Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Daisy Mae, M.D.

Last week while Abby was out of school for whatever reason....I've never been good with keeping up with these little breaks they keep having.  When I was in school you were out three months for the summer, one week for Spring Break, three days for Thanksgiving and two weeks at Christmas. So why she was out for a whole week for any reason other than to cause extra housework is beyond me. 

Either way, it turns out it was a good thing because somewhere, somehow, she contracted Pink Eye.  I'm pretty sure she got it when I took her to Walmart grocery shopping with me.  I rarely take her to the store with me because it's very hard to concentrate on my shopping while still trying to pretend that I'm following her dialogue on everything from who called who what at school to we should buy ice cream and the 1001 reasons why.  It's not just endless one-sided prattle either, she asks questions and expects answers and "Uh Huh" and "I don't know" will not suffice by golly!

I started my work day on Tuesday, the second day of this mystery break, with her calling me to announce she had "boogers in her eye".  I know what I suspected, but decided to knock wood, and not say the words out loud.  Who was I kidding.  I tried telling myself it was just her allergies acting up, but no, it was a bona fide case of the dreaded Pink Eye.

After all those years of letting my kids eat stuff that had fallen to the ground (5 second rule), drink out of the hose with every kid that ended up at our house to play,  go outside in cold weather with wet hair and eat ice cream sandwiches for breakfast during CRCT week, you'd think they would have somehow adapted, like the cockroach, and come out stronger and more able bodied than most.

Apparently, my unwillingness to having her jaw in my ear during my weekly trip to the grocery store had somehow shielded her from some new strain of this dreaded condition that once you contract, you may as well dress in rags and walk about ringing a bell yelling:"UNCLEAN" so that folks will know to steer clear of you.

I tried my best to nip this thing in the bud in my well known Daisy Mae style.  I went straight to the drugstore and bought the homeopathic brand of pink eye drops, the same ones I had successfully used on my own and Alex's eyes once before when we had become afflicted, but to no avail.

My mother and mother in law, who both know my tendency to Granny Clampett my children back to health, tag teamed and "suggested" I get her to the doctor.  You'd a thought I was putting moonshine by the dropper full into the kids eye and a steaming mustard plaster on her chest.  All I wanted was 24 hours to try it my way before giving in....that's not a lot to ask now is it?

Well, it is when you have this nuclear version of conjunctivitis.  It was barely 14 hours down from the time she first noticed a twitch in her eye till she looked like she'd been TKO'd and was in a fair amount of pain to boot.

So, I did the "Annette Thing" and googled to see what I could possibly be doing wrong.  It so happens I was doing everything that was recommended.  It did suggest that some folks found relief after placing tea bags on their eyes.  So we did, and as she fell off to sleep, I envisioned her waking up in the morning looking like a deranged raccoon, so I started making phone calls.

I was able to enlisted the help of family and she was able to see a "flunky", as her grandmother described him to her at the Immediate Care up in town that next day. Thankfully, we started to see improvement within two hours of the miracle drops he prescribed.

Yesterday, while winding down my day at work one of my coworkers observed what I had begun to suspect earlier in the day.  "You've got Pink Eye!!!!!

You cannot imagine what a treat it was to have to finally give in and take out the contact lens from my uncooperative eye, and then proceed to drive home...in the pouring rain...with my left eye squinted shut like Popeye in order to maneuver my way amongst the other drivers while trying to ignore the fact that a tornado siren was serenading me on my trip along the winding road.  Good times my friends, good times......

© 2011  Annette Bagley-Martin