Boggin' On My Noggin'

I have spent this entire weekend with one of the worst weather related headaches/migraines I have had in awhile.

The temperature has hovered around the high twenties and the wind has been really whipping around. Even though my house has been a toasty 70 - 72 degrees it feels as if there is a block of ice sitting on the right side of my head. I finally resorted to pulling on my black toboggan and was relieved when my head finally felt warm. Blessed relief at last! I get tired of taking meds for these headaches so anything that I can do to feel better and not be all doped up is a nice change!

The funny thing is, Abby never thought twice about me wearing my "beanie", as they call it, inside. Alex on the other hand felt the need to point out the fact that I was indoors and had it on. As if I had transitioned from outside and just plain forgot to take it off. OKkkkkkkkk. I told her it was the only thing that was helping to relieve the icy cold sensation that was making my head hurt. She just blinked at me and moved on.

Ray was gone to a Men's Conference most of the day and came rolling in around 3:30. He took one look at me and asked; "What's up Mushmouth?" I had to admit that was pretty funny and we then had to explain to the kids who Mushmouth was. That's kinda sad dontcha think? I really enjoyed Fat Albert when I was a kid, I wonder why its not on anymore? Is it politically incorrect? I'm not sure.

I have never really understood the whole politically correct thing to begin with. That became apparent the year Alex was 4 (she is 18 now mind you) and I dressed her as a bag lady for Halloween. I was approached by another parent that said my daughter was politically incorrect for wearing that particular costume. I said, "No, she is not politically incorrect, she is a bag lady." I then turned to my friends and whispered; "What does politically incorrect mean?" They just laughed and said that my picture was next to the definition in the dictionary and not to worry about it. I later found out that one definition is this: "a term denoting language, ideas, policies, and behavior seen as seeking to minimize social offense in gender, racial, cultural, sexual orientation, handicap, and age-related contexts."

Ok, whatever. I decided that I would continue to treat others as I would like to be treated and if that meant someone was gonna dress up like me for Halloween, well then, more power to them.

I will admit, I have a totally inappropriate sense of humor and find that it is best if you are thin skinned, all into what is political, correct or incorrect, public school vs private school, paper or plastic, chunky peanut butter or creamy, well, just about anything the least bit controversial for that matter, you might want to steer clear of me. Cause' I'm gonna make you nuts.

It's my job. Ask anybody that knows me, they will tell you.

Do You Remember?

Isn't it funny how a scent or a song can bring back memories of things you haven't thought of in a very long time.

Do you remember...

How much better homemade ice cream tastes because you helped crank it?

The satisfaction of opening a brand new box of crayons to draw with. All those colors to choose from with nothing but your imagination to limit you?

Wax Lips that you could chew like chewing gum?

The thrill of hearing the ice cream truck?

Catching fireflies so you could let them loose in your room later that night and falling asleep to the hypnotic winking of their lights going off and on?

Making a wish over dandelion fluff and blowing as hard as you can so all the seeds would blow away to make your wish come true?

How getting picked last for anything stinks?

The sound of your grandparents voices?

Watching the Wonderful World of Disney on Sunday nights?

What Flubber is?

Rolling change for gas money?

How you wished Flubber was real when you banged up your car?

The name of the first person you ever fell in love with?

The name of the person sitting next to you at your high school graduation?

What do you remember?

It's A Trap!!!

Have you ever seen the movie The Santa Claus? (Ya'll must think all I do is watch movies) In this movie Santa falls off of the roof of a house and is killed after the homeowner, Scott Calvin, who is awakened by the "clatter" runs outside and shouts at him thus startling him and causing him to plunge to his death on the front lawn. Santa immediately dissappears and all that is left is his suit with a letter in the pocket. The letter states; if something should happen to Santa, the reader should put on the suit and the reindeer would know what to do.

After Scott delivers the toys and ends up back at the North Pole he then finds out that he is to be the new Santa Claus from now on. It appears that there is a card that is decorated with a lovely holly border that when viewed under a magnifying glass is actually the Santa Clause which says that, "upon the death of the previous occupant, whoever wears the suit assumes the identity of Santa Claus and all the responsibilities that go with it."

Have you ever felt that you have been tricked with the Santa Clause at one time or another? I sure have! I can tell you right now it will make you a reader of the fine print!!! How many times have you ever received a call from your bank or credit card company and they want you to try out their latest and greatest service, free of course, for the first 90 days. What they don't tell you is that at the very stroke of midnight that rings in the 91st day you will begin to be charged 19.99 per month automatically drafted from you banking account or charged to your credit card.

Now finding where you wrote down their toll free number, if you ever actually wrote it down, is akin to locating a deadbeat dad. Good luck with that! Where is that information they swore was going in the mail to you that very day that would contain this most critical cancellation information?  Yep, that happened to me years ago.

Now, the latest and greatest scheme to charge us unwittingly is online. I was looking up famous quotes and got to a sight that wanted my cell phone number before it would let me view the content. They wanted to text me my 4 digit code for "free registration". What they don't tell you is that at the low, low price of $9.99 per month you will begin to receive the quote of the day and this will be conveniently billed to your cellphone bill. What the heck?!

Stuff like this makes makes me crazy. I have now come up with my own little ways of deciphering the trustworthiness of people and situations and do my best not to deviate from them. I will share them with you here:

1. If it sounds to good to be true, it is, so walk away and don't look back.

2. If whatever they are trying to give away is so great, why are they trying to get rid of it? This is in regards to pets, or other personal items.

3. Never trust a man with a pinkie ring.

Not a very long list and it hasn't failed me yet. Make sure to take the time to find the Santa Clause a/k/a "The Fine Print" and read it in all situations. If you don't understand it, ask questions, if you can't get a satisfactory answer, then say; thank you, no thank you!

The world would be a better place if we could spot a trap when we came upon it don'tcha think?

I have to believe that this bed belongs in the apartment of some smooth talking womanizer, don't you?