Secrets

Can you keep a secret?  I can, it's one of my super powers. That and my ability to make stuff up at the drop of a hat.  My kids call it lying, but lie is such a strong word.  I prefer to say I just have a vivid imagination.  I can't help it, God made me this way.  Funny thing is, everything I blog about is true and has really happened.  Evidently I reserve my tall tales for the kids.  Just one more nail in the coffin when they drag me before the judge for the sanity hearing I'm sure.

But we were talking about secrets weren't we, not lying.   People keep secrets about all kinds of things.  Their age, weight, how far in debt they may be. I asked Ray for some suggestions of what folks keep secret and he says what happens at bachelor parties and how much money you spend on shopping trips.  Uh whatever.  The bachelor party thing?  He hasn't been to one in a coon's age so I'm guessing the statute of limitations has run out on any of those events.

Tonight, after eating at our favorite Mexican Restaurant, I went to Office Depot.  I didn't really need anything, but I have an office supply and Chapstick fetish so I decided to pop in and see what was new in the world of post-its and pens.  (I scratched my Chapstick itch earlier in the week when I picked up their newest flavor; Green Apple.  Give it a whirl, I think you'll like it.)

While perusing the clearance rack, something down on the bottom shelf caught my eye.  A product called:
My Secret Underwear Pouch.   Seriously?   Is the pouch supposed to be the secret or the underwear?    This falls under one of those "Let's have Granny for dinner" categories doesn't it!  

I of course HAD to purchase the pouch, which I might add came with no instructions, explanation nor drawers of any kind. 

This very secretive pouch is made of a very durable plastic, with lovely hot pink drawstrings (much like the ones you see on gift bags) as the security measure taken to keep your unmentionables secretive. 

According to the packaging, this product was also Fabrique' en Chine.  For us southern natives, that would be Fabricado in China, and for those of you that don't speak Spanish; Made in China.  Again with the importing of products!

Even though they were over on the bargain table, it seems I paid the full retail price of two In God We Trust American dollars for this item.  Imagine my surprise when upon opening the clear cellophane wrapper I discovered not one, but TWO pouches for my secret keeping pleasure.  Wow, what a deal.

I can't seem to bring myself to recommend this product as a stocking stuffer since I'm sure there's not very many men out there that want their honey's toting around a stash of secret drawers much like they're doing with their rat hole money.

Stocking Stuffers

The Christmas Season has finally arrived.  Well in my book it has, to the retailers it began way back in October.  October...what's up with that?  Either way, the season has arrived and I have been on the hunt for just the right things for the people in my life.  I love, love, love Christmas.

Did I mention I love Christmas?  I love scouring all over town for gifts that say; "This is from Annette, she loves you and for some freakish reason felt this little token of her affection was the best way to express it."  My family and friends have now come to realize that opening anything from me is like a trip to Vegas, you just never know what your gonna get.  I like it that way, it keeps people on their toes!

I do admit I have a hard time containing myself when I find something really good and always have a huge inner struggle with making myself wait until Christmas to give certain gifts to their recipient. Ray has gotten real good at sitting on me so to speak, and he makes sure I don't give out all the goodies before Christmas Eve actually arrives. Yes, I said Christmas Eve.  Let's just suffice it to say that's as long as I can wait.  It is what it is.

This week on my lunch break I took a trip to the Dollar Tree with a co-worker to see what kind of stocking stuffer's there were to be had.  As I perused the beauty aid isle for emery boards and nail polishes for my daughters I came across this little jewel displayed right next to the hand cream


 That's right people, you too can now purchase a Home Drug Test from the Dollar Tree, for a dollar no less.  I also noticed that if Marijuana was too big a word for some to pronounce, there was a picture of a pot leaf in the upper left hand corner to help the discerning shopper be assured of which test they were actually purchasing.  God forbid you mistake this for a pregnancy test and it come out negative and you then feel free to smoke a celebratory joint being as you aren't pregnant...or so you think.

I wonder if Dollar Tree pregnancy tests have a picture of a baby in the upper left hand corner.  Come to think of it, I didn't see any pregnancy tests there.  Wonder why that is...I'm sure demographics played a large part in their choice of inventory.

I was disappointed to see that this particular test was Made in China.  On an interesting note, this was notated in English and French on the bottom of the box.  French, really? If you're gonna go to the trouble and expense to print something up in two different languages, and the product is being sent to the US of A, and more specifically here in the south, it would stand to reason the other language printed on the box should be Spanish...just saying.

Made in China.  I imagine what with unemployment being at an all time high it would behoove us to have our own Home Drug Test Kit Plant.  Every opportunity counts, why are we purchasing this product overseas when we could be cranking them out over here? I shall send a letter to the powers that be.

So there you have it.  If you have a family member out on probation, be sure and go by the Dollar Tree and pick up a couple of these to put in their stocking and you will have done your part to help keep 'em flying below the radar.

Everyone, be safe this holiday season and I will do my best to keep you informed of any other spectacular stocking stuffer finds as I come across them  =D

Sidebar: Abby just be-bopped back here to see what I was doing, noticed my find and said; "What the heck!  A drug test?  Why would anybody take one of those?  Wouldn't you already know whether or not you'd been smoking marijuana?!!"  Out of the mouths of babes....

Copyright 2011 Annette Bagley-Martin