White Elephants and Corn Dogs

This holiday season is celebrated by many people in many different ways.  Our home celebrates the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ at this time and when our children were small we also enjoyed the fun and anticipation of the Christmas Eve tradition of Santa Claus paying our home a visit as well.

Ray and I have been married 25 years and during this time have experienced years of abundance and some lean times.  This year for us, as I believe for many others will be a lean year.  I find that it is the lean years that I enjoy the most, because it brings out the creativity in everyone.

About three years back we decided that for the Martin family gathering at Ray's parents house, everyone from Ray's grandmother all the way down to Bobby's youngest daughter who was around four at the time, we would have a white elephant gift exchange with absolutely no money allowed to be spent.  Even if it meant you had to wrap it in newspaper, keep it to a zero budget.

While others fought crowds at the mall and department stores, our family was plotting and planning on what would be the "perfect" item to "re-gift" for the family Christmas celebration.  It was the first time I had seen my children giddy with anticipation over who would receive the gift they had carefully selected versus the usual expectation over what they themselves would be receiving.

I will never forget Ray's dad Chuck opening the gift my youngest daughter Abby had carefully wrapped and placed under the tree.  The look on his face was priceless when he held up, then carefully placed upon his head, a red and white paper Varsity hat, while asking in a cadence we all recognized at once, "Whaddaya Have?! Whaddaya Have?!"

This past Wednesday night marked the beginning of the holiday gift giving season for us.   Abby, my youngest, had a Christmas party to attend with her youth group at church.  It was a white elephant gift exchange.  Abby asked if I would scrounge something up for her to wrap, so I did.  True to Abby fashion she waited until we were within 5 minutes of the church before turning to me and saying, "Mom, my gift is a little on the practical side, I kinda wanted it to be funny."  I glanced over at her and said, "Funny, good grief girl why didn't you say so!  I was holding back 'cause I thought I would embarrass you."

We then whipped the truck into the Quik Trip where we purchased a nice fresh corn dog which we proceeded to cover in the wrapper from the rejected gift and trucked it on to the church house.

While it was not the only odd gift by far, it was the only warm one, and listening to the youth leaders wife voice her concern over what might actually be wrapped up in the "warm" gift made it worth the last minute switcheroo.

This year shall prove to be doubly exciting since my side of the family has now adopted the tradition as well and I look forward to the craziness that a White Elephant Christmas brings!

© 2010  Annette Bagley-Martin

MWF On A Roadtrip

On a recent road trip to Orlando with some friends it came to their attention that I was not lying when I said that I have a paper fetish and will pick up most free papers/advertisements and pay for the cheaper ones that catch my eye in local publication boxes.

Case in point; I'm not sure exactly where we were,  but at a rest stop there was a whole stand of  boxes, one in which the Florida Singles Entertainer was being sold.  How could I NOT buy it?  It was a long drive, I needed entertaining.

What could I have possibly learned?  Oh Lawd!  Here goes:

1.  The FSE does NOT edit your singles ad.  Have someone with an education read your article before sending it in to be published.  Then again, this might help in the weeding out process for possible suitors/suitees.   i.e:  SDWF (Ft. St. Lucie, FL)  "People tells me I'm cute, sweet, kind, smart and have a sense of humor, you can be the judge....I am seeking my real soul mate....30-38 of age.  He must have a child of his own..."

I'm not sure why she underlined the words "real soul mate" in her ad unless sometime in the past she was lured in to a relationship by a fake soul mate.   The fact that "people tells" her about her being cute and smart did not take away from the fact that her perfect man had to bring "a child of his own" to the romantic deal table.  Apparently she is unwilling to share, so folks when it comes to the chillins, it is BYOK.  Then again her friends didn't "tells" anything about her being unselfish now did they?

2.  I noticed that many of the ads ended with these words:  "No Inmates" Ya think???!!!!!!!   I had no idea that the penal system was a steady source of respondees to the singles ads!  Then again, the FSE does carry this heading on their ads page: "Florida Singles ~ Penpals & Singles.   I have to believe they are looking for a pen pal being as actual dating could prove difficult when on lockdown.

3.  Some of the singles are similar to Jaguars  but have no label so I shall call them Saber Tooth Tigresses ("Jaguars - A woman in her 70’s interested in dating or hooking up with younger men")  ie: SWWF (Oneonta, NY)  "DOB    12-22-26.....looking for  a SWM  58 to 80 years old...no bad habits and have a nice car..." Really?  NO bad habits?  I have to believe by the time someone is 80, they're gonna have a bad habit or two.

4.  There were some that I feel truly believed they were going to find love and others who ran on the perverted side, but at least they were upfront about it:  "49 Year Old Man seeks one or two women, prefer beauty, large bust and redheads.  Call me XXX-XXX-XXXX Stephen" and  "Divorced Mexican Man (Dallas, TX) 44, 5'8", slim, childless, blue-collar...broad-minded sexually.  Seek uninhibited, broad-minded sexually woman.  Any race, age under 5' 5". Very bold advertising for pairs of women.  As for the Mexican dude, all wild chicks taller than him need not apply.....

5.  The abbreviations used stumped me at times.  One of of which took days for us to figure out but we laughed when we realized how simple it was LTR.....Long Term Relationship.  I think I shall put out a Singles Ad Abbreviation Guide, be on the lookout for the handy pocket pal for singles :   SAAG  a handy reference for those looking for love from the comfort of their own home.

Folks, this paper had them all, young, old, short and tall.  I admire the specific way in which each went into detail as to what they were looking for and I  laughed as I thought how in the end what they were not putting into their ads  are what is really the most important for that special someone they are seeking to share their lives with.   Love me when I'm unlovable, be honest with me but not cruel, be kind to me as that will solicit a much better response than tit for tat(we all have our bad days), my children are a part of me and are part of the deal, looks fade, but it is important to me for you to attempt to look your best,  and above all NO INMATES.

©  2010  Annette Bagley-Martin

Don't Lose Your Head

On Thursday, September 16th it was reported in the news that in Athens the "Greek police charged two U.S. tourists with desecrating the dead" after six human skulls were found in their carry on baggage at the Athens International airport.

The skulls were found when their luggage was scanned during a stop-over in Athens while they were on their way back home to the United States.  "The coroner confirmed they were human skulls."

The two tourists said they had purchased the skulls at a souvenir shop on the island of Mykonos and "believed they were fake".  Officials have released the two "pending trial".

Well, if that doesn't kill the souvenir sales for the island, I don't know what will!  One of my first thoughts was, these two must really do it up big for Halloween....six skulls!  I wonder if it was an impulse buy?  There they are perusing the gift shop and stumble upon a Bin-O-Skulls.  Look Honey!  We should have a Halloween Party!!!  At least that's what I hope was going through their minds.

Perhaps they are the crafty sort and were gonna make Christmas gifts out of  'em.  Don't scoff!  I was on a trip last week and found this little decorative piece for the table. My first thought was; "It would funny if I owned a restaurant and put these on all the tables!"

I know I would put one by the inspection score from the local Health Department.  I'm not kidding, I would do it, ask anyone that knows me....

©  2010  Annette Bagley-Martin