Body Glitter

Body Glitter------those two words conjure up a million images in the mind. Depending on who you are and your particular situation at this very minute will probably have a lot to do with what those images may be. Well….get your minds out of the gutter and let’s concentrate on Douglasville, GA.

I cannot pinpoint the exact time, but everything that I thought I ever knew about people, places or things went flying out the window roughly the same time I gave birth to my first child, but then again who knows. It seems ever since then, I have been constantly amazed at the daily adventures of my wonderful life!

For example, when Abby was about 5 years old she had gotten to where she liked makeup, all kinds of makeup. Makeup I didn’t even realize you could purchase unless you had some sort of connection through perhaps a Strippers/Hookers Local Union No. 7 or whatever resources they have at their disposal.

Either way, one Christmas, Abby requested that Santa bring her some makeup, and makeup he did bring! Ok, so I really got the makeup but she had gone from NOT believing in Santa to believing and she refused to listen when I told her there is no such thing as Santa. Whatever, I still like to believe that there will be funds in social security when I am ready to retire, so we each have our own little fantasy worlds don’t we?

The makeup that I purchased and so carefully placed under the tree had lots of goodies in it; lip glosses and lipsticks, eye shadows and nail polishes and lots of little pots of glitter. Glitter…….it didn’t really strike me as odd at the time because my oldest child had received little goody bags from past birthday parties that contained glitter gels and glitter wands. So you could strategically place glitter in you hair; for that festive look I guess?

Evidently Alex didn’t really “get into” the whole glitter thing because I do not remember the glitter phenomenon that was going on in our house at the time.

Now the glitter that I am talking about is not that stuff that comes in multiple colors that you find used in many childhood crafty sort of projects. No, this stuff is quite finely ground, and is what I perceive actual fairies must use in their day to day operations in Wonderland.

It all began when I went in Abby’s room to change the bed sheets and do some general tidying up. I didn’t notice it at first, but when I yanked the bottom sheet off of her bed I was surrounded by a cloud of glitter dust.

Now I know what it is like on the inside of one of those water globes that I used to collect. Talk about weird. In retrospect, I had made the comment to Ray the previous Saturday that I felt like we were living with Tinkerbelle, because every time Abby flew by me (she doesn’t really walk anywhere) I seemed to get covered with glitter. Well, it has now been confirmed!

After getting the sheets off of her bed and looking around at the fallout, there was glitter all over her floor, not a pile mind you, just a fine dusting of it. I hadn’t swept the house in three days and as I made my way around looking at everything I began to notice just how much glitter there was in the place. It's a good thing I have that HEPA filter deal on my vacuum! I couldn't decide if this is better or worse than her eyebrow escapade!

A couple of you have already heard about this, but one day after school I was sweeping up, (it is an endless job because most of our floors are wood).

As I walked past Abby's bedroom door, I saw out of the corner of my eye that she was standing on her bed reaching up to change the channel on her TV (she has an entertainment center built into the wall and the TV is placed up high, she must have misplaced the remote).

Well, she heard me coming down the hall and just as I got to her doorway, she turned around and said, “Hey, how do you like my eyebrows??!!!!!”

Dear Lord! Have you ever heard the term “Rooted to the Spot”, well I lived it. She looked just like Groucho Marx. She then proceeded to tell me how she had used a black marker to color them in. I couldn’t say anything but she was just sharp enough to realize that the look on my face was not a good one.

She said, don’t worry mommy, I used the marker that you write on the glass with, you know the dry erase marker. All I could think of was “She ain’t made of glass, I am going to have to shave her eyebrows off and scrub her face with a brillo pad.” “When are school pictures? Has the yearbook picture already been taken??!!!”

I think she realized I didn’t see what she saw in the mirror, so she proceeded to tell me, “Don’t worry it will come off, I used the wipe off marker.” Then she looked into the mirror on the wall and said to herself as much as to me, “Well….it should come off…….Let’s see if it comes off!!!!!!!!!” I said good idea, get a wet rag!

She ran and got one and proceeded to scrub her face. It came off, just like she planned. I really hate that since she will now be encouraged to try crazier things…….I hope her kids do this stuff to her, I look forward to it!

My House Is Spotless!

Do you every experience times when you have been so busy it seems like your not home for more than 5 minutes at a time the whole week? Well it has been like that for me the last three weeks.

I spent the first part of today at a ladies luncheon at our church, which was fabulous, and then came home to relax and just piddle around the rest of the day. In theory that sounded great, the reality of it, well it was just too depressing to imagine.

I come in my back door, a little tired but glad to be home and I had one of those moments you hear about in the bible. Do you know the one I'm talking about? The passage where it says "And the scales fell from his eyes". It was as if I had been blinded to just how yucky the house had gotten. Now I'm not talking food left out for days or anything, just clutter, clutter and more clutter.

I called my friend Debbie and asked her if the Good Fairy had come while she was at the Ladies Luncheon and cleaned her house, cause mine was the pits. She said no, and hers was so bad that her dad had commented on it.

That's always a fun experience. My dad once asked me on an unexpected visit to my house "Who died in this wreck?" Yeah, right dad, ha, ha.

Debbie told me that growing up, her mom always kept their house spotless. Spotless? Well, my house is spotless! I can't see an available spot anywhere that you could lay another thing down!!

Personally, I think Debbie is a great housekeeper. She even irons clothes! I either A.) Throw the wrinkled item in the dryer with a wet towel, or B.) Set my steam iron on high and shoot puffs of steam at my article of clothing while it still hangs on the hanger. The latter method works quite well, but if you are going to do this on a regular basis I suggest you purchase a fabric steamer designed for this.

For one, the iron gets really heavy holding it in one hand while you tug and smooth out the fabric with the other (hang your item on a door knob or hook, unless you have three arms, then, well, you get the picture). I have operated my iron, using this method for so long now it's starting to act a little quirky. There are alot of times now that the faceplate of the iron won't even get hot enough to iron with anymore....hmmmm, wonder if it's one of those use it or lose it situations....

Either way, ironing is just not one of my "things". Apparently, neither is picking up after myself! Well, I'm off to do The White Tornado!

Why Can't We All Just Get Along and Believe In Santa Claus?

My oldest daughter Alex has always enjoyed fantasy more than reality. She was only 3 when she first started playing with Barbies; which seemed really young to me at the time.

Apparently there are alot of younger children these days enamored with this icon of fashion. I never liked them, but she and her friends would play pretend for hours with these dolls.

I always found them too hard to dress, but a wise girl once told me that all you had to do was get them all dressed and then just change their heads around---Sheer genius! But let's not diverge.....

Apparently during one of these play dates her best friend, Danielle, decided to educate Alex on some of the realities of life. This particular day's lesson was: Santa Clause, Fact or Fiction?

I was still feeling kinda new at the parenting thing, (somehow I think I will always feel that way since it seems to be a constantly evolving process) so it didn't really occur to me that kids would be having such heavy discussions. I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall!

I found out about this little debate between friends several days later in the car. Alex and I were alone and she pipes up from the back seat saying; Momma, Danielle says that Santa Claus isn't real, is he real?

When she asked that question, I heard that sound you hear on tv, you know the one, where the needle is scratching across the record? Yep, that's the sound I heard.

Ok, real, real, is Santa Claus real......Well, Alex, why doesn't she think he is real? There we go answer a question with a question!

Alex: She says that if it isn't in the bible then it isn't real, I don't remember ever seeing anything about Santa in the bible. Is he?

Me: That's a very good point Alex, Santa is not in the bible, but then again neither am I, and I'm pretty sure I'm real.

HA! I got her on that one, victory is just around the corner, and I have avoided the answer!

Alex: Mooooooommmmmm. Seriously, is he real?

Good grief, she is only seven, what is wrong with believing in something so completely fantastic as a little man who flies around the world, in a sleigh, led by tiny reindeer, to deliver toys made by little elves throughout the preceding months, then given to good little boys and girls on one fantastic night of the year?

Ok, when you put it like that it does sound a little out there........

Anyway, I look at her through the rearview mirror and confess the lie her father and I had been telling her all her life, one of many, she was to soon find out. (Or in my opinion too soon to find out.)

She mulls over my confession and says, So the Barbie dream house was from you? Yep. The baby doll and stroller? From me and dad. The stuff in my stocking? Us again, we've been found out.

She sits there silently for a minute and then says; What about the Tooth Fairy?

I don't even look at her in the mirror, I just cheerfully sing out "Made It Up!" She throws her hands up in the air and says "Man!"

I really hated that the fantasy could not go on longer. It is this innocence of childhood that I wish children could hang onto, at least through their middle school years. There will be plenty of time when they are grown to deal with reality.

Her sister was just a baby at the time, so I told her now that she knew the truth, she could help us play Santa to her little sister, but it was not her place to educate her sister or anyone else for that matter with the truth about St. Nick. She agreed to keep the truth to herself, and was very excited about the upcoming role she would get to play come December.

Yesterday, Ray said Abby had him trapped in the truck and said, Daddy, I want to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth!

Ha! You will never guess what it was; Santa Claus---Tee Hee! As soon as I get the blow by blow from Ray, I will report back.......

Peace Out

The Nut Didn't Fall Far From The Tree

It has been too long since I last posted! So many things have happened, life is such a whirwind sometimes. Where shall I begin?

Let's see....on Aprils Fools Day, my wonderful husband got up and took the kids to school for me so I could languish in the bed a little longer. (Looking back, it makes me wonder if he was in on it.)

I get up a little bit after they leave the house and go into the kitchen to make coffee. I put the pot under the faucet and prop myself up with the counter as I stand there half asleep. As I turn the water on I'm jerked awake with a blast of water to the chest. I have the old fashioned black plastic sprayer beside the faucet on my sink, Alex had taken a black rubber band and fixed the handle so that it was stuck in the on position.

I turn on the water, it bypasses the faucet and gives me a shower! Talk about waking up fast. I was so startled that I stepped to the side to try and figure out what the heck is going on. I'm not very consistent with which side of the sink I turn on either, somedays it's the hot water, somedays it's the cold.

So there I was dancing off to the side turning the cold water side just to discover it was the hot that I had turned on today. Meanwhile the dog who was across the room minding her own business and happily crunching away on her doggie kibble gets smacked in the rear end with a stream of water.

At this point the shock has worn off, I'm laughing the dog is sulking and I'm thinking, LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It didn't take me long to figure out who it was, I knew that Abby could think it up, but not necessarily know how to execute the plan, that left Alex who was very capable of both and had just enough of me in her to do it. I called her on her cell and sure enough she answered the phone laughing. What a terd.

That was the best part of the whole day. The worst? I got so busy I didn't get a chance to prank her back! That's ok, I don't need one day out of the year to pull my pranks, all I need is some grape Kool-Aid and the chance to get the shower head off of her shower and back on when she is not around, Tee Hee!