Your Majesty

The older I get, the greater the reality that one day soon I will become a grandmother. I can remember a time not too long ago when I first got pregnant, a co-worker marveled at the fact I would very soon be someone’s mother. Come to think of it, there are days when I am sure my own children marvel at the very same thing!


Grandchildren, I can’t even picture it. I do look forward to it though! Just the other day my oldest daughter Alex asked what I want to be called when I eventually do have grandchildren.


Hmmmmm, what to be called, what to be called. How fun, not something too grannyish of course. Not that there is anything wrong with being a granny, but I have always reserved that honorable title for my great-grandmother. Right now I am just contemplating first generation grandmother hood.


At first I told Alex that I thought “Your Highness” would be nice, and perhaps they could call your dad, “Pop Pop”. She laughed and said, “Your Highness and Pop Pop? You do realize how kids mispronounce things all the time? They will be calling you, “Your Hiney and Pop Pop in no time!” The girl had a point! Your Hiney will never do!!


So after much consideration I have determined that if at all possible, my beloved grandchildren will be referring to us as “Your Majesty and Pop Pop.” Regal huh?! Yeah, I think I will like that much better than Nana.

Now all I need is a tiara to wear to the hospital……

Why Is It...........

Why is it an eight year old can intentionally swallow a wad of bubble gum the size of a blue birds egg but not a junior size pain reliever tablet?

Traditonal Anniversary Gifts for the Teenage Couple

Sunday evening my daughter Alex announced that on March 17 she and her boyfriend would be celebrating a milestone in their couplehood. The famous One Year anniversary. A whole year....that really is something. She doesn't usually care for the same hairstyle for more than 3 months.

She continued on with her thought and said, I know when it comes to wedding anniversaries that year 10 has a gift suggestion of tin. That is when Abby chimes in and says so "Year number 9 your supposed to give wine?"

After we finished laughing and got ourselves back on track I told Alex I wasn't quite sure what the Traditional Anniversary Gift List for Teenagers was but I was sure I could come up with something.

It has taken me a couple of days, but is now complete. If there are any additional gift suggestions that would better suit the month, by all means send your suggestion in so that the list can be altered!!

Traditional Anniversary Gifts By The Month For Teenage Couples

Month 1: Cardboard
Gift Suggestion: A nice card from Hallmark to let her know you were thinking of her.

Month 2: Music
Gift Suggestion: Download a ring tone that is “Your Song”.

Month 3: Styrofoam
Gift Suggestion: Bring her favorite drink to her from Chic -Fil- A.

Month 4: Fiber Fill
Gift Suggestion: Cute Teddy Bear or some other silly stuffed animal.

Month 5: Cotton
Gift Suggestion: Give her one of your favorite old T-Shirts, she is gonna end up swiping it from you anyway.

Month 6: Helium
Gift Suggestion: Balloon Bouquet.

Month 7: Popcorn
Gift Suggestion: Cheap-skate: Rent a Movie. Stud: Take her to the theater.

Month 8: Sugar
Gift Suggestion: Buy her favorite candy.

Month 9: Kodak
Gift Suggestion: Disposable Camera for lot’s of cutsie pics of you two lovebirds.

Month 10: Pottery
Gift Suggestion: Chia Pet or some similar token to remind her how cute you are even though you are not with her but at your best buds house at the moment.

Month 11: Nickel
Gift Suggestion: Mood Ring to help determine what “I’m Fine” really means.

Month 12: Glass
Gift Suggestion: Costume Jewelry, perhaps some nice dia-mel earrings.

Annetteapalooza 2008

This years Annetteapallooza has been great! I didn't think we would be able to surpass last year, but by George we did it!!!!!

I do have to admit though, I am glad my actual Birthday has finally arrived and it is now officially over. It really doesn't matter that I admit this, as no one will really believe me. It is true that I love celebrating my birthday...almost as much as I love everyone else celebrating my birthday! If you know me at all you know my motto: "Shop Early, Buy Often, Well Wishes and All Monetary Gifts Accepted Through the 31st."

Obnoxious, isn't it?! Well, someone has to do it, it may as well be me. I have proudly worn the Birthday Princess crown and graciously received all the accolade's that accompany this wonderful fashion accessory!

I must confess that I need to pack the crown away until next year because along with all of the free desserts that have been given in recognition of my claim to fame, my waistline is expanding to almost the same size of my over-inflated expectations of what a birthday celebration should truly be.

Today at lunch when I heard the clapping begin in the far corner of the Longhorn's, I thought to myself, "Perhaps they should just stick a candle in a side salad as I am having difficulties squeezing into my clothes since the pallooza has been going on. " I am sure worse things could be happening....

A special thank you to everyone for making my day (month), truly special, you know who you are and I love you all! If I were Queen of the World, I would make sure that everyone had wonderful celebrations just like this for their birthdays!

While we are all in a celebatory mood let's not forget the one celebration that makes all others pale in comparison: The Easter Celebration; without Christ's death and resurrection there would indeed be nothing to look forward to!

Peace and Love to you all.

Annette

They Do More Than Just Hum You Know!

I love this time of year! The tree's are starting to bud and flowers are starting to peek through the ground. Soon the hummingbirds will be migrating back to our part of the state and that I have to say is something I look forward to every year.

I have planted a vine that intertwines my entire front porch and is covered in a red trumpet looking flower. The hummingbirds love it and will actually hover right in front of your face while you sit there watching them. It is an awesome sight to behold!


I will never forget last year when my husband commented that there was a hummingbird flying around back at the patio doors. I said that is odd; there is nothing back there to attract hummingbirds. No feeders or colorful plantings, nothing at all really. We both moved on and I thought nothing else about it.

A couple of days later Abby, who was eight at the time, yelled excitedly, “Mommy there is a hummingbird around back near the patio!” Again! I thought to myself. So I said to her, “Really, a hummingbird, wonder what it’s doing back there?” She looked at me with disgust in her eyes and said “Well, they do more than just hum you know!

Such a profound statement from such a little girl. I have to tell you that smarted when she said that. It also got me tickled and I wanted to say, "Well ok Miss Smarty Pants, what else do they do??? " For that matter they don’t hum, that is just the sound that their wings make because they are beating so fast, so there!

After a small amount of research on the internet my suspicions were confirmed and the main purpose of the hummingbird is the pollination of plants. They also eat insects such as mosquitoes and other insects as well.

The crazy thing is they have to consume quite a large amount of nectar every day (twice their body weight) to meet the demands of their body or they could die in a matter of hours.

Hmmmm, or should I say Hummmmm? Those pretty little creatures are living the life that most eight year old children would love, consuming twice their body weight in sweets every day!!

Battle of the Clean Room

I’ve heard parents say in my BC days (Before Children) “Battles between parent and child should be picked wisely, otherwise you find yourselves in a constant uproar over every little thing”.

Sounded like sound advice at the time, but in fact it was a rather sophisticated way of saying "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired." It is during times like this when I feel I have left the raising of my children to themselves, especially when it comes to their rooms.

I try to give them a little space and have even gone so far as to let them be the judge of how often to pick up as long as it doesn't spill over into the rest of the house. The big rule around here in regards to the bedroom is; "Cut a trail to the bed in the event we need to rescue you from a fire in the middle of the night."

Not asking much are we? Yesterday, in our home we had the battle of the clean room. Just what exactly is clean? I have come to the conclusion that the word clean means something entirely different to me than it does to my children. In fact, I am certain of it because I have the only 9 year old in the history of mankind that can stand in a shower for 45 minutes, have squeaky clean hair, and still come out with chocolate ice-cream smudges on her face! Go figure.

I like to believe that I am a patient person and that is why I give my children the deadline of "You have 3 days" when I get into my "You need to clean your room mode". It's not that I am patient, I just live in a dream world.

During the deadline period in which my kids are supposed to be shoveling out their rooms, I am secretly hoping that the Lord will call us all home. I have always heard that cleanliness is next to Godliness. If that's the case then my kids are on a wild ride in the proverbial hand-basket headed “south” at this very moment!

What spurred on this tirade? Well, it was Abby's room. She couldn't seem to get it cleaned up. I was ready to vacuum her room and had plans to clean carpets. I finally uttered the dreaded words that strikes fear in the hearts of my children and said, "Don't worry about it, I'll clean it up."

My kids hate when I say that because what it really means is Kiss all your junk goodbye, I'm tired of picking it up and I'm throwing it all away. The real kicker is they are not allowed to be present when I clean their rooms. All they ever see is me, emerging from behind their bedroom doors with Hefty Lawn and Trash bags bursting at the seams and ready for the can outside. What a power trip!

Today, as I was cleaning out Abby's room many thoughts ran through my mind......What's that smell?.......Where did all these sunflower seed shells come from?.......We pick up way too much fast food, look at all these happy meal toys......What's that smell?.......Why are there scuba flippers in the sock drawer?....WHAT'S THAT SMELL?????

If anything good has come from this little adventure, it is the fact that I can now contact the EPA and let them know that a very important natural resource has been overlook for far too long. What would that be you ask? My friends that would be the dried banana peel.

Now this was not the entire banana peel I discovered, just a strip of it. At first I wasn't even sure what it was. After all, underneath her bed was rather dark and I was afraid the dust bunnies were rabid, and this "thing" was just out of my reach. I pushed myself forward with my toes while sliding underneath her bed on my stomach and THERE! I got it! What is this thing?

Upon closer examination in the much brighter light by the window, I discovered it was the aforementioned piece of banana peel. Strong as iron, brown as beautifully cured leather.

Perhaps it could be made into the soles of shoes for some Third World Country? Either way, it’s these little discoveries that make the whole thing worthwhile.

Oh yeah, that smell......a wet bathing suit left to cure in a plastic grocery bag after a trip to the aquatic center last week.

People And Their Little Dogs

People are crazy about their pets, especially the little pocket pets you can carry around with you. Our little CheeWaWa, BB loves going for rides in the car, so when my teenager Alex asked if she could go along for the ride to school, I thought "Sure, why not".

We started this little adventure in the middle of the previous week and I have to tell you, by day 5 it was starting to get a little old! I need to be at least 4 inches taller since BB’s favorite place to ride was standing up in my lap, on her hind legs with her front paws on the steering wheel. My best guess is she had adopted this stance to better help her maneuver us along the winding road to the school.

She has a very small head, but it is just large enough that I was now viewing the outside world from between two ears that look like they belong to a vampire bat. It was also bothering me that I could no longer take my cup of coffee with me because that would require my growing a third arm.

The day that marked her last ride to school was when BB suddenly became excited at seeing the kids walking along the sidewalks. Up until this point she had remained calm on these little jaunts, almost to the point of boredom. Not today!

She started barking and leaping up and down with her front paws on the center of the steering wheel. She was doing her level best to announce her arrival and as luck would have it, she was hitting just the right spot to make the horn blow. (Wonder why a six pound dog can honk a horn without even trying and I could bang my entire head against it when I need it to blow and can’t get a peep out of it?)

Once the horn started honking, BB got really irritated and started barking at whoever the rude person was making such a loud commotion! Our car became quite the spectacle and my daughter, Alex, got a huge laugh out of leaving me there at the back of a long line of cars with a half crazed dog doing her best to escape the confines of our car and attack whoever was honking at her.

I'm pretty sure that I will get the last laugh though. Alex is now 16 and wants to date. I'm thinking that Abby will make the perfect little chaperone to tag along with Alex and her boyfriend when the situation arises, and I am oh so certain it will be soon!

Cheese In My Hair

Was there a recall on my child that I missed? Some days I wonder what little postcard from heaven did I not receive because our mail has been missboxed...AGAIN...but that is a story for another day.

For the first time in a very long time my husband and I were able to sleep in on a Saturday. Probably would have been better if I had gone on and gotten up. My 9-year old, Abby, had been up for hours and was out in the kitchen giving our dog BB (Big Bertha) her medicine when she ran into a little snag. It seems that some of the cheese she had been using to wrap the dog's pill in had somehow gotten into her hair.

She came into the doorway of the master bedroom to tell me she had gotten a little bit of cheese in her hair. I'm half asleep so I mumble just get a wipee and try to get it out with that, when I get up I will wash your hair and get out what you miss. Before I can even get the word "wipee" out of my mouth, she proceeds to tell me she has already tried to wipe it out and it wouldn't come out, so she just cut it off with the scissors.

You know the average parent would probably come flying out bed at the words hair, scissors and cut it off all uttered by their child in the same sentence. I have come to realize that I am not the average parent and my children are not average either. They tend to fluctuate between being complete morons to extreme geniuses at any given moment in time. Average they are not.

Now where were we... oh yeah, she says she has cut the offending cheese out of her hair and my mind is working overtime thinking well her hair needed trimming anyway, I'll just even it up with the scissors after I wash her hair. Well, in a perfect world that would work out just fine, but we don't live in a perfect world now do we?!

Abby has successfully roused both my husband and I out of our perfect slumber with her little hair dialogue so we give up and get up. Abby's hair is longish, it falls just below her shoulders so I am picturing she has gotten the cheese in the ends of her hair, kinda like when she eats and her hair falls forward into her plate. Not So!

I go into the kitchen to get the coffee maker going and to get the broom so I can sweep up any stray hairs that may be on the floor when my eyes zero in on the top of my child's head. She is now sporting a miniature mohawk that is about two inches in length and an inch in height on the very top of her head.

Apparently she is convinced that I can do anything because as she calmly chews her mouthful of cereal she says to me "Say momma, how are you gonna fix this?" I could actually hear the cartoon Ooga Horn as my eyes shot three feet out of my head! I'm thinking, "Fix it?! Yeah good luck with that!" I told her I wasn't exactly sure what I would have to do, but I would try to think of something.

She must have seen the look of uncertainty on my face because she suggested we put some hairspray on it. I asked her "Why, do you want it to stand up nice and straight instead of waving in the wind like it is now?"

She didn't seem to appreciate my sense of humor.

I told her not to worry, we would try to disguise it somehow. If we couldn't, I told her not to fret over it too much, she wouldn't even notice it unless she looked in the mirror. I could tell by the look she gave me that time she didn't like that comment either.

She went back to eating her cereal and then pointed to a pile of papers from her bookbag and said, "I forgot to give these to you yesterday. You need to fill that form out, we are having school pictures made next Friday."

Greatttttt......you couldn't just wash the cheese out now could you, it made much more sense to cut it out......You really should know, this is just one day in the life of the Martin home. Alot of times the only thing that changes around here is the day of the week and I sure feel like I spend an awful lot of time with cheese in my hair.......