This morning, I am all but certain someone snuck into my house in the middle of the night and replaced it with one of those fun-house mirrors from the circus. It's either that or my current exercise plan of 1 sit up a day is not working out for me. I was really trying not to overexert myself cause lawd knows the last thing I need is a pulled muscle, so every morning upon arising I do 1/2 of my sit-up, and every evening the other half as I lay back down.
About three years ago I went to a personal trainer for 24 sessions of instruction on the use of weights and cardio in order to get physically fit. Her name was Donna and she was awesome! Sadly, I ended up going back to work full-time and my 5 am workouts no longer fit into my schedule.
I now still weigh the same, it is just that now my muscles have grown as soft as my willpower and I no longer am as compact as I once was. I thought that I would keep an Iron Woman diary during those sessions so I thought I would share Day 1 from that very first workout:
Iron Woman Diary ~ Day 1
Today was day 1 in my quest for physical fitness. My goal is to go from J-ello Butt to J-Lo Butt. Is it possible to do this in 24 sessions? We shall see.
The personal trainer that I have selected to help me reach my goal is Donna, I shall lovingly refer to her as the Muscle Nazi from here on out. What little I have been around her I have enjoyed very much! She is so knowledgeable and so very encouraging, I am confident that I will be a changed person by the end of the summer…..either that or a complete cripple, only time will tell.
Today we worked on my legs and I think my upper body. She told me when I got there what we would be working on but once we got started I just concentrated on what she was saying and getting my sea legs. I don’t know if any of you have ever worked your bodies out in quite this manner, but once you fatigue your muscles to a certain extent, they start to feel really “watery” and you find yourself walking to your next set of equipment with a gait somewhat akin to Groucho Marx, you know, when he would do that sort of walking lunge around the room. He would take incredibly long steps and his knee’s would almost be touching the ground with each step he took. I am sure mine looked like more of a drunken version of his but that is the best way I can describe it.
Once I left the gym and headed toward my truck in the parking lot, which took slightly longer that the trip into the building because my thigh muscles felt like jelly and I was mentally kicking myself for parking so far away (third space from the door), and I then realized that I was in a four wheel drive vehicle and I was going to have to climb up into the cab of the truck. It may as well have been Mount Everest. I thought I was going to need a grappling hook to throw up in there to help me get inside and mind you this vehicle doesn’t even have a lift kit!!
After the short drive home I opened the door and forgot that I had just spend the last hour torturing my legs and when I stepped out of the cab my legs just gave out and I fell to the ground. It was so funny I just rolled over on my back and laughed. After I forced myself up I staggered to the carport door and gathered enough strength to lift my legs the six inches necessary to clear the threshold.
I have to say it has been a comedy of errors ever since. I have done my best to keep moving so that I don’t completely rust over but it seems to be a losing battle. Tomorrow I am sure will be very interesting. I hope I don’t have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, my screams as I try to lift myself from the bed might scare my family.
Peace Out!
It seems that I never got further than documenting Day 1, I confess it was because those first two weeks I wasn't able to move around very well much less sit and type! This morning I have resolved to go back to implementing the techniques that Donna so carefully trained me in and soon I hope to meet my goal of fitting back into those clothes that now my youngest daughter has been pilfering from my closet. Will it happen? Well it did once before, so I am forever hopeful. Here's to the battle of the bulge!
© 2010 Annette Bagley-Martin
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