Dearly Beloved

This past week on Facebook we had Wayyyy Back Week. That meant we all posted pictures of ourselves from our younger days. I myself started with my high school graduation photo and progressed through my wedding picture and onto a photo of my girls and me at the hospital when our youngest was born. It turned out to be a photo timeline of the last 27 years for me.

When I posted our wedding photo I made sure to post my favorite. It is of me and Ray cutting our wedding cake. In this photo he has an expression on his face that is hard to describe. I have always told him that he looks like he is grabbing my butt and that I am smiling for the camera while at the same telling him through clenched teeth what a funny guy he is.

This coming March 16, 2010 will mark the 25th Anniversary of that occasion. I have to tell ya, it just doesn’t seem like that much time has passed. On the one hand, I think that is bad because there is so much that I would like to do and look how quickly time has gone by. On the other hand, I think it is good because you know how time drags when you are doing something you can’t stand.

How have we managed? Accepting the fact that you are both human helps bring a lot of grace to a marriage. Ain’t neither one of us perfect, so learning to support one another when wrong decisions were made helped strengthen us as a couple. Do I always feel that gracious? Of course not! There have been many times when I wasn’t sure I could control the urge to yank a nose hair out of his head in the middle of the night.

We have by no means lived a charmed life. We have had our ups and downs and serious arguments as well as silly disagreements. Making wrong choices as well as right decisions, and learning not to say “I told you so” no matter how much you really want to. The other person already sees you saying it with your eyes so don’t add insult to injury by saying it out loud.

Anyone that has been married for longer than a month knows that once you begin living with the object of your affection the rules change. A fart or two is going to slip and I’m not just talking about him on this one. Irritating habits you told yourself were “cute” when you were dating will be just that, irritating. As time goes by and you start your family, your children will “need” to sleep in your bed with you (believe me never say never) which will put a damper on your love life and you will yearn for the days when it was just the two of you.

My mother-in-law once told me to be sure to choose my battles wisely when I became hurt or upset with my husband. She said life can be miserable if you bicker over every little thing. Her advice was this; when Ray did something to make me crazy, but it really wasn’t worth fussing over, then I should just wait until he went to work and then swish his toothbrush in the toilet. I would feel better, there would be no argument and he would be non-the-wiser. Ray started carrying a toothbrush and toothpaste in his truck once he found out she had told me this.

What do I think the secret to the success of mine and Ray’s marriage is so far? Respect for one another and keeping our sense of humor. If you can find something to laugh about together in any given situation even if it is at yourself, or at least keep the lines of communication open until you can laugh together, you just might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

Your children will make you crazy, just be sure to not let them divide and conquer you. Your families, at times will make you want to run screaming from the building. There will be many times when they will feel the same way about you. You will go through moments of great rejoicing as well as times of deep mourning. Just remember to love each other, though there will be times when you don’t even like each other at all. Don’t go to bed at night if you are fighting, even if it means nobody goes to sleep and everyone is working the next day. We have never regretted that practice.

Our Wedding vows were the standard “To have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

These first 25 years, well at times it has felt like we have already had for worse, for poorer, in sickness and I cherish him but I think I’m gonna kill ‘im. What do I have to say about that? LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!!